I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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