WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
