my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
