Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
