I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
