You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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