just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
