the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
