Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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