You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
