He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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