My liver just broke up with me...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
