Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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