Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
