The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i dont even know how to be here
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
