yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
