My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
