so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
