you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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