If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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