I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
