we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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