dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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