I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm both gender and math confused
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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