so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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