No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
