i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
