it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want her autograph on my taint
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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