Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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