i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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