I puked a lego.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
