I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
