hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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