He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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