FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
