I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize