Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
