i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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