people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
