idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He did a backflip because drugs
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