If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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