Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
