garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
