what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
