i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
