By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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