I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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