I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
