She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
