there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
