In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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