Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
