i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
