I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
