I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
