Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
