her vagine was all disorganized.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
