Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
