Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
