I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
