i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We left an ass print on the piano.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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