I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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