I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
