I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
