So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
