glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
