You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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