from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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