for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
