how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
