i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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