i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Plan B is the new Plan A
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
