In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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