Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Panties = found
Randomize
