My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
