maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
