Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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