I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
