Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
