oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
