her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
