I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
