I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
