I want to have your abortion
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize