Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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