its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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