all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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