do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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